i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
