dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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