i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize