I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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