Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
