You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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