the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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