It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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