hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
