she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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