and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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