About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also, beer. Big fan.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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