I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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