last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
