dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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