so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
