I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
