I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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