He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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