Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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