I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
