Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
