The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
