Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
