i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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