u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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