Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
