Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
