That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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