We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
