Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
