I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
nutella sex= disaster
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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