Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
