I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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