you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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