Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
