I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
