Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
