i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize