I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
