I wish I could punch you in the face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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