I hope mine doesn't look like that
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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