No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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