I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
