I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
