so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
