I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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