is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
