i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
