I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
