he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
