they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
