??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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