I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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