Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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