sorry about calling you the devil all night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
