you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
