i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
