I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
