i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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