I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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