i think i have two assholes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
