i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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