i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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