and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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