Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
pop tarts are not kleenex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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