....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
