bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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