try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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